1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
