Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
