Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
