either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
