Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
