Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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