just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
This is the high leading the old right now
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
