guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
