I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
