why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just forgot I was standing up.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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