what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
