Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
