just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
