well most of my day revolves around power hour
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
