Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
