she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
