new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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