The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
