did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
