the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
