We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Randomize
