You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
