the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
