Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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