weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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