guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
