I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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