She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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