You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize