Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
