did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We talked him into tasing himself.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
