He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
handjob tips. give me some.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
