worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
