Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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