Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
