I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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