covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
