She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
