Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize