Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize