Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize