That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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