You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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