His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
