Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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