Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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