I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Please don't give away my fajitas
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