You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize