Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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