Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
