...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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