he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
