I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
