Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
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