Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
