Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
