Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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