Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
