she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
