I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
