Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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