shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
