i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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