Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
third nipple confirmed
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
