Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Randomize
