I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
