I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I have post one night stand depression
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
