New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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