So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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