There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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