She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
