yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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