I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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