I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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