Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
it glows. i had to have it.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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