He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
