Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
