God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
