I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
