Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize