sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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