We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Need sex. Gaining weight.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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