i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
