Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Also, beer. Big fan.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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