God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
