I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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