So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
