Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize