Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
