I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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