At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
