..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
