the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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