What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
