he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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