who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
