Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
