I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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