At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize