And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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