How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
