You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
