I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
