Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
she peed on how many people?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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