We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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