The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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