they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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