Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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