The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
she pinky promised me she was 18
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Dick very happy bro
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
