totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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