Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
