He uses pillows to masturbate.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Blood and glitter go together right?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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