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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Chicken burrito, or no deal.

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  Is that code for my vagina?

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito

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• (516): View more from New York

  He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.

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• (850): View more from Florida

  We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days

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• (801): View more from Utah

  Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.

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• (710): View more from

  my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking

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• (562): View more from California

  The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons

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• (254): View more from Texas

  Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.

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• (939): View more from Puerto Rico

  So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.

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