I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize