I bet he comes in French.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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