"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
