i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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