So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
