If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
