we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
