We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I need to stop coming to work sober
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
