That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
